It's All In A Word

You don't know boring, tedious, and insanely irritating until you've spent two hours after work each night stripping wallpaper. Trust me, you think you know boring, tedious, and insanely irritating, but you don't. Really. You don't.

The upshot of this task, which I have done with exactly zero help from the man of the house, is that I have coined a new curse word: "Flaxmans!" There are two ways to say it:

1--Fast and almost in a whisper the way Jerry Seinfeld said "Newman".
2--Drawing the word out in a yell like "Flaaaaaaxmaaaaan's" while shaking your fist at the sky and looking into the distance a la George from Dennis the Menace.

The way you say it is entirely a personal choice. Dave prefers Option 1. I, however, prefer Option 2.

The Flaxman's were the previous owners of our house. I'm sure they're perfectly nice people. We found a photo of them in the closet, which is now proudly displayed on our refrigerator as if they're our friends. They look like nice people. They used all CFL light bulbs. See, that's a nice person thing to do, right? Conscious of the environment. Doing their part to conserve energy.

Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that seemingly nice people can also have horrendous taste.

For example, while I am a firm believer that the sale of wallpaper should be banned by Constitutional law, apparently the Flaxman's thought that the monkeys swinging on green vines was just the peerfect thing for their breakfast room. I would disagree.

It would also seem that the Flaxman's were firm believers in hanging absolutely everything they ever owned from a nail or screw in the wall. Again, I would disagree.

The Flaxman's also apparently believed that the best way to showcase a room was to paint the ceiling the same color as the wall. Not surprisingly, again I disagree.

All of these disagreements add up to me stripping wallpaper every evening. If I'm not doing that, I'm spackling the 10,000 holes in the wall. Soon enough I'll be painting all the ceilings this wonderful color available at Home Depot. It's called Ceiling White. Hmmm, wonder what a person would paint with that color?

The end sum is me yelling "Flaaaaaaaxmaaaaan's!" while shaking my fist in the air about a dozen times a night.

Anyway, your new task is to find a way to work "Flaxman's!" into your daily lexicon. Choose Option 1 or Option 2, whichever fits you best. And, when you're done with that you need to work "lexicon" into your lexicon. It's a great word that makes you sound really smart.

L.